The Hardest Verse in the Bible

Ugh! Like the chest pain that I wake up to.
I don't want to take that first breath. I know it's going to hurt. It's so common now that I do it without thinking - I wince and suck it in. Ugh! Couple more times now. Ugh! And then it subsides. That wasn't so bad. I get over it pretty quickly, but it always seems to start my day in a bad way.

Someone stopped by the house and dropped off a package for me. I know who it was - they signed their names. But it was really God in them. They don't know that, but I do. I know because when I opened the package it was God who came out of it. He can speak so clearly through others voices and actions sometimes that it stuns me.

And He brought me back to the verses. The hardest ones. The ones that I've never really understood. Or maybe I have and I just want to say that I don't. Certainly I don't get them completely. You know the verses I bet. As soon as you hear them you'll remember. Maybe they plagued you too. Probably.

But that wasn't enough for God today. No. Today He had a plan to really set me up for them.
Reading today in Numbers 11 - the people of Isreal travelling through the desert for the first time complained about their hardships. No kidding. Anyone in their sandals would. And God gets angry with them. He burns the outskirts of the camp in anger. Literally. Till Moses prayed for them - interceded. And God relents.

Wow! That was powerful to me! I'm pondering that for an hour in prayer. Just letting it soak in and having some conversation with God about this story as I go for an early morning walk with Him. And when I come back I see this package in the mail and I open it and out comes God.

Romans 5:3-4 - We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverence; perseverence, character; and character, hope. (Just like James 1:3)

What have I been begging God for in my suffering? Hope! I've been begging for a biopsy date to confirm/deny this whole cancer thing. Now I have one on Monday morning. I'm praying for a negative biopsy - no cancer. Man, am I ever praying. Desperately. Crying. Pleading. Shamelessly at times. Like a man with a death sentence hanging over him. Like an Israelite in the dying desert. Although I'm told to prepare myself for a confirmation of cancer. Against the odds I'm looking for something to hold to. Hope! If it's confirmed to be cancer what am I to do? I need some hope to cling to. There are some really dark moments in my early morning thoughts as the first few breaths come to me and the Ugh! hits me hard. All my worst fears come rushing at me. They seem to attack at once and there are times I don't put up much defence. I'm overwhelmed and I just break down. I'm reaching for something in the darkness. Ugh.

And the hardest verse in the Bible comes with God's promise - hope!
Set up by a story I've been pondering for an hour.
What attitude will I choose for today? To rejoice in my sufferings!

There's a card in the package. It's signed by a person, but I recognize the signature of God.
"The need that you face is great,
but the grace that is yours in Christ is even greater.
May your heart and your faith
stay fixed upon Him as you
go through this difficulty.
Be assured that He is holding
your hand and will not let go!"

Then, in the card, the promise of an intercessor.
It wasn't signed by Moses, but it might as well have been.
Someone interceded for me and the fire stopped burning my edges. The Lord relented His anger with my complaining. And I learned a lesson. I'm choosing to rejoice today. In my suffering! And I believe it's going to produce hope!

O Lord, hold my hand! I'll fix my eyes on You!