Ups and Downs, and Lots of Prayer
Well, this might be DH Journey, but it's JH you're getting once again. I did want to give an update to the blog to let you know the latest. Dwayne is still in hospital and likely will be for quite a while. Last night we asked our care group and friends to pray that Dwayne's doctors would agree to doing surgery to remove his diseased kidney. We have felt all along that that is what should be done, but have had no success is convincing doctors of that. (And for those of you that know me, you know that I can be fairly persuasive!) Yesterday we had a glimmer of hope as a new oncologist finally said that he thought surgery was a good choice. We were praising God, but had our bubble burst when the surgeon, who we understood was the man who would make the final decision, talked to Dwayne and simply refused to consider surgery. I went to bed rather discouraged and battled paralizing fear all night long as I prayed and prayed and listened to my heart pounding in my ears. In the morning I checked my email and read a verse sent by a friend. It's part of Psalm 142 taken from the Message. "I cry out, God, call out: 'You're my last chance, my only hope for life!' Oh listen, please listen; I've never been this low." That verse voiced my thoughts and emotions. I decided to phone the hospital to check on Dwayne and to my delight found out that he had had an amazing night. Slept well, ate breakfast, the whole bit! So off to the hospital to rejoice with him, but when I got there I heard bad news. A setback. Another terrible attack of pain, so bad by the time he was found that he couldn't even tell people what was wrong, and so help was further delayed for him. Finally some strong meds were dispensed and now he was hallucinating and restless, but the pain had subsided. And my fear was back. I sat with Dwayne and held his hand and thought of the Dr. Seuss story of the king who feels that he needs someone to hold his tail for him, who then in turn needs another person to hold his tail for him, and so on down the line. I wanted someone to be there to hold my hand too. Thankfully Dwayne's sister arrived and that helped me cope. And then a new but dear friend arrived and prayed with us and suddenly the fear began to fade and God's peace was again felt in my heart.
About mid afternoon the urologist showed up. I was armed and ready with all my arguments as to why we wanted the surgery, but they weren't needed. "We're prepared to go ahead with the operation," he said. Dwayne, his sister, and I waited until he was just out of the room before we whooped and hollered (using our indoor voices, of course!), and threw our hands into the air in praise to God. A prayer answered! It's a major surgery and difficult to recover from, but it offers a bit of hope.
The rest of the afternoon showed steady progress. Dwayne was able to eat supper, slowly but surely, and didn't have another pain episode. The evening was spent with friends and family drifting in and out of the room. So much care. So much love. So much prayer.
And so tomorrow is another day. Each day now I'm learning to wake up and, before I even get up out of bed, thank God for the day and say to Him, "I surrender my day to You, God. What are we going to do together today?" Today that was a hard prayer to pray. I suspect tomorrow that might be a bit easier.
Life is an adventure, a journey we travel. And God walks it with us - hand in hand if we let Him. Guiding, shaping, and molding us through the circumstances. I seek to journey more intentionally here.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Ups and Downs, and Lots of Prayer